i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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