therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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