He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
