Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
