are you so shy because you have an std?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
