The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
