What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
