It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
