I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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