is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
