You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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