i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
