I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
