i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
