I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
