i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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