Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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