It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
