Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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