While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
