forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sorry about my life...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
