oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
