I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
