I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
