The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
