I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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