So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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