Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
