Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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