I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
