Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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