Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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