Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
