My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
