God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
