Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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