i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
