I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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