i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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