Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What drink are we having for lunch?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
