I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
