sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
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If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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