i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
