oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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