Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
