tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
