just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
