Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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