The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
