buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
