I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
