i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
