On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
