pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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