At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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