He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
