Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
