I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
