have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
