We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
