a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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