i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
