If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
