he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
