This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
