Your face is a jimmy john
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Randomize
