Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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