he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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