When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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