he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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