if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
