it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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