That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
