yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
