he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
