I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
