THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
