Soap is not a condiment
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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