i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
