I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
