Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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