Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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