He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
