At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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