You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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